Finding balance: Where I am at


After competing in two bodybuilding shows last year I set a goal for myself to hang up the heels for a while (most likely indefinitely) and focus on finding a healthy balance in my life.  For those who aren’t a regular follower, I have been a bit more active with blog posting and Instagram lately, particularly with the “fitstagram” posts.  I have been a bit more active for two reasons. The first reason is to motivate.  More people have been asking me for workout advice or healthy meal ideas and while I am no PT I love to share whatever I can!  The gram or my blog are both great ways for me to keep track of my recipes and have reference points to share with others or to even revisit myself!  The second reason is to hold myself accountable.  If I have a certain “fitness” goal in mind it is often helpful for me to share my journey with the public (aka like my mom and 3 friends).  So aside from this larger goal of *balance*, I recently set a mini goal for myself to cut down for an upcoming fitness workshop and photo-shoot + my trip to Vegas where Mr. Olympia is hosted, but I have found myself slowly losing motivation.

I want to look dope AF at this workshop and in Vegas where I will be surrounded by some of the most well known athletes in the industry, but at what point will I just be happy with where my body is at?  I have come a very long way this year when it comes to self image/ self love/ balance/ whatever people want to call it these days but it’s weeks like these that I realize I am not quite there yet and that this isn’t just a situation where I am going to wake up one day and be like “Fuck yes I will never have a negative thought about my body ever again”.  Lately I’ve just felt tired.  Tired physically.  Tired mentally.  My 5am lifts have turned into 9am lifts, or no lifts.  My daily cardio has significantly dropped (side note I don’t need to be doing a ton of cardio I just used to really enjoy doing it).  And my “diet” is starting to feel like a diet and well, I am just tired of feeling like I am always on a diet.  For anyone who has ever tracked macros before, aka “flexible dieting”, you’ll realize that once you know the science it is always ingrained in your head even when you try not to track.  Can’t a girl just get a healthy acai bowl for breakfast which is filled with superfoods and micronutrients and not worry about the fact that half of her suggested carb intake for the day will be used up?  Maybe it is the heat, or maybe it is the fact that I haven’t started my new job yet and my usual routine is off, but right now my motivation is in hideout.  I know if I were to just throw in the towel, stop working out, and eat like shit I would feel 100x worse after about two days so that is not going to happen.  However, this lifestyle is tricky and the motivation isn’t always there for me.  Hoping once I get back to my regular routine this week I will feel refreshed but in the meantime I would love to hear if other people trying to live the healthy grind have went through this same type of funk, and how they decided to handle it 🙂

2 thoughts on “Finding balance: Where I am at

  1. I quite literally had these same feelings just a few weeks ago! It was the week it was humid for 6 days straight (I’m blaming a lot of it on this). The Saturday before that week was my brothers 30th, I imbibed, got 3 hours of sleep, and had to teach a 830 spin/bootcamp slightly hung and completely exhausted. That set the entire tone for my week. I was drained, didn’t want to get up and workout (yet I did), felt stressed out by planning my meals (especially since my house was teetering 95 degrees). Wednesday of that week I literally could not hold my head up or keep my eyes open at 1 in the afternoon. I wanted to do nothing but sit on my couch and not move! I relalyed all of this to my coach. I also knew I was going on vacation a week and a half later. I told him I was going to take those 4 days to eat intuitively, not track, not be in the gym (although I was one day). I needed the mental break. So that’s what I did. I relaxed, I ate intuitively, and didn’t worry. I ate my normal healthy meals most of the time, but I also drank beers, had ice cream and dinner was usually higher on the macros than usual. But I was also eating a little less throughout the day, I kayaked, I hiked, I tried to stay active but also unwind. Yes I gained a pound (not too shabby) and according to my coach, most likely due to the change in schedule. But I can home refreshed, relaxed and ready to rock leg day the next day. And that I did!

    I often struggle with my balance and self image too. Especially as a non competitor. When I look at competitors they have a beginning and a end game. They have a specific goal and day that they are reaching for. By what about me? What am I looking for? What’s my end game? What’s my goal? When have I built the muscle I want? It’s hard as a non competitor to find the balance between living a social life and working towards my health goals. A competitor says ok I can’t drink during prep, but can a little in off season. I don’t have an on and off season so what’s too much and what’s enough that I can live and not destroy my goals.

    I have to say that at this stage in my life I am happy with my body, although I have my moments that I totally beat myself up. But there was a day I hated my body and hated the way I looked in clothes. In college all I talked about was my weight (which was never that much). I track my food or course I won’t forever, and again being a non competitor when does that stop. But I do like knowing how the food is fueling my body. I do like the creativeness with my meals that has come with IIFYM. And I I love that I now never look at anything as off limits. I swore off peanut butter😳😱, pasta, white carbs, ice cream, any sort of chips, chocolate, pasta and much more in the past. With IIFYM I have found way to incorporate some of these foods once and a while. Because everything is ok sometimes. As long as I eat nutritiously most of the time. So I am happy with my lifestyle for now. Of course how long does it last? How long do I track? Because it does sometimes affect my dating, by I can’t let it. That’s where balance has to come in. And I have to remind myself of this all the time. Because self shame is worse than the one beer you consume.

    Sometimes taking a few days off is what you need to break the rut. It’s ok to take 2 days off of the gym, it’s ok to not track once and a while. You have the knowledge you need to eat without tracking. You have healthy habits. You have to remember your body is amazing and can do amazing things wheat her your are a lean machine or holding a little extra weight. I personally am going to make it a goal to listen to my body a little more, sometimes I push myself the max and that’s not good. If you body is drained and not motivated, there’s prob a reason and it’s telling you something. Listen to it! Ok and sooo end rant lol!

  2. Ahh this is soo refreshing to read! And thanks for taking the time to reply!! I totally need to start paying attention to my body. I only took two days off from lifting this weekend and already felt a lot better this morning! I told myself I wouldn’t feel guilty for missing a workout here and there and it wasn’t until injury after injury and loss of motivation that I realized I NEEDED a break. Even though two days may not seem like much to the majority of the population haha. And I agree that the heat could also be a huge factor as to why I wanted nothing to do with the gym lately. It’s TOO hot!!—- Let’s remember I said that when the winter rolls around and it’s too cold and dark for me to get out of bed at 4:30 🙂

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